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Many parents don’t understand what an effective disciplinary tool time outs are because they haven’t been taught the correct way to do them. There a few rules to follow and then time outs become easy, painless and very helpful in calming down a volatile situation. Time outs are a great alternative to spanking especially when children approach that terrible twos stage. It works even better when they hit that “rotten threes” stage, a time that most parents feel is even more difficult than the terrible twos.
Time outs are a great way to get a hold of a situation that has gotten out of control. It slows down both the parent and the child. Tempers can flare when dealing with a difficult toddler and it’s best to calm things down before they get out of hand. So the first rule to follow is to time out the unruly child before things have gone too far. When it gets to the point where a child is totally out of control and the parents are yelling trying to get back the control, it’s too late for time outs or any disciplinary tool to work well. You need to tell a child to sit in timeout when you first see that they won’t obey. Start the timeout before you have become angry with the child and you have lost your patience. When a child is a little older and is used to time-outs you can use a warning or two before actually timing them out. Sometimes this alone can nip it in the bud.
The general rule of one minute per year of age is a good guide for parents to follow. Timing and placement are equally important to effective time outs. Have a specific chair; a dining room or kitchen chair works well. Use that chair every time! Don’t use a chair in the play room or child’s bedroom, there are too many distractions. Make sure there isn’t anything within reach that a child can pick up and throw like dishes or cups or newspapers. Set a kitchen timer for the correct amount of time and tell the child that when the bell goes off they can get up from time out, if they have calmed down. If the child yells during the whole time out then they have to sit in the chair for another 2 or 3 minutes, however long applies. They need to know these rules, preferably in advance of the tantrum.
Once the child has calmed down and has sat still for a few minutes it’s best to talk quietly and calmly to them. Go over what they did wrong and explain how that behavior is not acceptable in your family. Give them the consequences of further bad behavior. For example, “Johnny, if you hit your little brother again: you will not be allowed to play with your Nintendo games for two days.” Use whatever punishment would fit the crime and be age appropriate.
Don’t think just because you are in public that time outs don’t apply. That will only give your child permission to misbehave in public. Children are so smart; they know what they can get away with. Time outs can be given in grocery stores, restaurants or shopping malls. Find an empty table in a restaurant and use a chair for a shortened version of time outs. Some grocery stores have cafeteria areas and you can take the child to use one of those chairs. If worse comes to worse a child can stand off to the side or in a corner. It’s the idea of being quiet for a few minutes and restoring peace to the situation that is important. The adult staying in control is also of major importance.
It’s best to stay in the room and watch the child in time out to make sure they don’t get up out of their chair or pick up a toy or worse start destroying property. However, if the adult also needs to regain their composure then it is better for the adult to leave the room for a short time in order to count to 10 or take some deep breaths.
The first time out can be the toughest. You need extreme patience and resolve that you will win the battle, not the child. Sometimes it takes a long time to get the child to understand what time outs are all about but it is worth the extra time you may have to spend in the beginning. The key is not to give up and let the child win. Don’t allow them to get up early from the time out or give up on time outs all together.
Time outs are a wonderful disciplinary tool that works well after you have put in the time and effort. Following these rules will help keep peace and order to your household. Remember that as your children get older it will be easier for them to follow these time out rules and it won’t seem so overwhelming to you the parent.
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